The Invisible 'ME'

Yesterday, I happened to have lunch with one of a female colleague at Office after a long time. She is impressive in all sense. Though, we have a friendly-formal relationship on the surface, there were some prejudices of the past, that kept us in distance. As I had to break the silence, I chose a vague topic. She showed her lack of interest initially. But she couldn’t control herself involving into the chat with me. Maybe my skill of conversation is too good for her or as usual, the good natured humours had done the trick for me. By the time, we finished the lunch, I almost resolved all her grudges (even the secret ones) on me, and parted with a sweet smile on each of us.

But the whole session in the afternoon, I was simply lost in the thoughts of the conversation. I was internally happy for many reasons, viz, 1. I made her smile. She has a lovely smile. 2. I resolved the past grudges. 3. A flavour of romance was felt….. All through the second half of the day, the thoughts of the ten minute lunch surfaced just like that, and it’s a nice feeling. In the second half of the day, may be, I haven’t done my work properly in the office; may be, I wasn’t present mentally in the discussions with my boss and subordinates; may be the emails and reports delivered do not carry the due diligence of my work. But It is worth it. She is such a gorgeous beauty, a day passed on thinking about her is a great feeling and I’m not going to regret about the losses. After all, romance is the most thrilling part of the life. When you leave the world, the fond memories would be of romance and not of your boss, subordinates or your emails…..

As I started my Yoga session in the evening, the difference is felt even stronger. When I tried focussing on breath, the thoughts flew upto her involuntarily. As I continued doing the asanas, I started gaining my consciousness. After my brief 45 minutes session, I lie in savasana (the relaxed lie – down asana), for ten minutes. This is wonderful state to be, and it remains only for few minutes as the relaxation effect of contraction and expansion of muscles during yoga, remains only then. During this brief period of time, the mind experiences joy and float the thoughts in a state of bliss, meanwhile, you also feel that you are watching your own thoughts being floated by an another objective mind.

The thoughts of the lunch time appeared again, more gracefully, in a state of bliss… As these thoughts float over, my objective mind asked a question within me? Why am I (my mind is) so much indulged into that 10 minutes of my lunch time whereas, there are so many hours and minutes I have passed, which can also be hanged over…
And you know what? I got an answer immediately in a split second, somewhere deep within. And that answer is very correct, so simple, so explicit, but, would take years, or may not be realized by my logical thinking in normal state. The answer is: “I have always craved for appreciation and to be recognized as a Hero or a great personality. During the lunch time, there were instances that satisfied my craving, oops, what am I thinking!!”

The interesting part is that, the craving is not exactly romance or sex, which I was thinking as a very obvious reason. But the real reason is so different, so indirect, that I have to explain more. At a single instant, so many faulty ideologies based on which my core engine (mind) had been working for so long came to the surface. These are also commonly known as conditioning of mind, and these are beliefs developed within our mind for so long, subconsciously, in the gradual course of our life, based on the real life incidences, learnings and sufferings. And mine was: “A person has to be a hero, only when girls praise him. If a beautiful, professional looking lady praises or appreciates, it is the ultimate appreciation, no matter, how intellectual she is. As a beautiful and professional looking girl like her, was having a grudge over my personality / behaviour earlier, ‘my mind within’ was internally suffering to resolve the grudge for a long time, and it succeeded to do so, in the 10 minute lunch time.” For the normal me, it’s just a lunch time, and I had lunch during the time, with a brief chatting with my colleague. But for ‘my mind within’ (or subconscious or the real me, or I’m not the one authoritative enough to put the correct word for that), it’s a mission accomplished, which it accomplished well planned, and with great perfection. I even doubt, that ‘my mind within’ also used some telepathy and other spiritual means to accomplish this mission, because, the amount of happiness, joy, the indulgement, the sense of loss into the thoughts that I was experiencing the whole afternoon after that 10 minute lunch time is beyond my senses.


Every person have conditionings and some are good, some are bad. And these conditionings have built some ‘almost’ permanent behavioural changes within us and make us what we are, but the sad part is: We don’t know, that we don’t know about our conditionings. And in my case, even the craving to be a Hero is a conditioning, which I could admit only as an interest and not as a craving in a normal sense. These cravings, and beliefs are realized only in that ‘alpha state of mind’, that I reached after practicing the Yoga (I came to know about this interesting state of mind recently.

One of my friend had been to Thailand along with his friend for masti. He confessed me that, the day he returned, he spent the whole night on laptop updating his resume. He also said that, while he was taking sunbath in the Thailand beach, something from within, has given this thought, encouragement, motivation, a compelling will, and even the real work, updation of resume is done by that. The normal me, who had been to office for the last two years, has not updated resume, and even If I do that, it would not be as perfect as how it has turned out to be now.

This is what happens, when you occasionally enter into this alpha state of mind. Even many do that, the infamous Archimedes voicing eureka is one such incidence. And I really felt that eureka feeling, when it happened to me about the 10 minute lunch time. A good part of realizing the defect in us is, the solution is automatic. Once the subconscious understands, that this is only a belief and it’s not to be taken as authenticate or seriously, It takes the correct route automatically from that instant. Somehow I felt that.

Cheers!!